First Day of Spring

Cherry blossom tree in Springtime with light blue sky

Today is the first day of Spring.
As of late, I have presented a lot of dark, weighty subject material. I thought it was time for something positive and lighter.
While Winter serves as a cushion and break from the outside sensory world, it also renews me for the next season.
Spring helps me to appreciate the present a little more, as Summer can be tough with kids being off of school and setting off fireworks.
Here is to the present.
I also want to take the time to thank the Lord for always being with me, no matter how dark things get.

To the dad who removed his crying toddler from the waiting room

Young female child crying First of all, thank you VERY MUCH for your thoughtfulness in choosing to remove your crying toddler from the OB/GYN waiting room. I am sure it was boring for your daughter to wait on top of being sick. I could hear the mucus rattle when she coughed. Being patient for a toddler is hard on a good day, but far harder when you are sick. My autistic brain can remember back to when I was a toddler. I was about to go in for my yearly exam. I had a meltdown earlier in the week and was dreading the pain and pressure that always comes from having a metal speculum inserted into my vagina. I have a very good doctor who is both practical and patient, but it is still a very uncomfortable experience. Not having to figure out how to run out of the office, possibly punch myself in the head or knock something over was a HUGE relief. I was able to remain seated and chew my stim pendant, filling out my paperwork (I wish they could just e-mail it-very stressful as I am ...

On the fringe: autism and family gatherings

Child covering ears Family gatherings are noisey. There are a myriad of voices that range in pitch and volume. There is that one person who laughs so loud that tears well in my eyes. Boys yell and bang on the piano. Someone is taking a photo with flash. Greeting people is part of being polite, even when you are already in sensory overload. Perfumes and colognes combine and foods from the kitchen circulate. Men yell at the football game and women laugh at something funny. All this is taken in at the door. There is a long way to wade through before I can put my coat in a quiet bedroom. I have to remember to smile and say "hello" as well as accept hugs. There are a few cousins who cannot stand my presence, though, at age 5, I don't know what I could have possibly done to upset them. I am asked, "Why do you plug your ears?" I am told repeatedly that nobody wants me here. I am the only one who isn't part of a group. Sometimes, I get bullied. A parent ...

Ignorant

In the 1990's and 2000's, I wrote poetry. Today, I would like to share one of my poems. Ignorant I take a hammer to the sky And the shards of china blue Rain down like daggers There is a bullet hole In the starless new night sky That swallows the light Pillars of stone and salt Tumble to the ground In thunderous collapse This is my doing; I shall not look back Will you remain ignorant still Now that these things are done? Was it necessary for us To bare these pangs Because I am not as you are? Violently exposing an other's deceit. That is what usually culminates into the end of any relationship I have ever had. I have no tolerance for targeted sarcasm, usually frustration on the part of the other person. It must be a neurotypical thing, because I haven't had autistic friends. I haven't had the chance to be included due to my neuromakeup and lack accommodating services. I have tried, with some success, to addre...

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