Funkonovo/Allison's autism Blog

Autistic woman 4 square sequence typed personal autism attributes. April is 2 days away. I understand if you subscribers (thank you for reading) wish not to read all the notifications flooding into your inbox. Go to pixteller.com to create your own autism awareness infographic. It's free and easy enough for this quasi-Luddite to operate. Compassion before judgment!

These are the chapters to the book I wrote. I posted the introduction a few months ago. I hope you gain something from reading. Chapter 1: My Ball of Wool: Sensory Processing Disorder and how it affects me. Imagine a sound that you absolutely cannot stand at even a low volume. Maybe it's a lawnmower, jackhammer, birds chirping, or sub woofers thumping from a passing car. Maybe it's a complex sound as in a song-THE ONE SONG YOU ABSOLUTELY CANNOT STAND TO HEAR because it brings up turbulent emotions each time you hear it or it makes you angry because it demeans women and/or minorities.  If you are more visually oriented, imagine the worst nightmare you ever dreamed, watching someone you love die, blinding strobe lights. If you are tactility inclined,  maybe it is the feel of wool or burlap being brushed against your skin.  Now imagine what ever the dreaded thing is- that it is  pervasive.  There is no escape from it. If you turn on your TV, ...

New things present as an uphill battle. Change is scary to me unless it comes on my terms. Maybe this is why I did poorly understanding Algebra. There's always a variable.  I don't intend to be difficult or selfish. Having a battle plan is how I make sense of life. Adaptation is a skill that comes naturally for some people, but not for me.  I find having a plan B is a good idea. For example, if you plan on going to an outdoor event and it rains, scheduling a rain date ahead of time. The rain date can substitute for an unexpected illness as well. There are some changes that are inevitable like losing a loved one, and that is something that takes prayer and time alone with God. Having family and friends who can help by listening is also key.  Ultimately, trusting in God, not circumstances, to be secure in this life is both necessary and difficult to do, but it is worth the effort. "And we know that God causes everything to work together  for the good of...

I call this "Dancing with herselves" Being lonely is different from being alone. Being alone, for me, is when I have had enough sensory input from a person and/or environment. It is a choice. Being lonely is something I have little choice over. Due to the severe limitations of my autism spectrum disorder, I don’t have the simple luxury of calling up a friend to see if they are free for coffee or a walk in the park.  My only friend lives 45 minutes away and due to age, can’t drive long distances on a constant basis. I cannot drive. What support and socialization that does exist is for disabled people who can go anywhere and be exposed to everything as long as it is ADA compliant. I am alone in my home without human contact 6 days a week for 90% of my day. My sister does her best, but she, like my aunt, has a life that includes shared experiences with other people. Mine doesn’t. Nobody else in my family or community is interested in relating to me. I notice ...

My autistic brain on fire This is how I feel when I am getting close to a meltdown. I am exposed to one of my trigger sounds (babies crying, dogs barking and fireworks). I am in a situation where I cannot escape them.  Learning how to use a computer lead to many meltdowns, one so bad that 911 was called and I was hospitalized for several days. I have a low frustration threshold for the unexpected.  Meltdowns are an inner and outer body experience at the same time. I can feel the interior of my body shaking, my throat becoming hamburger meat as I scream, and my hands like a vice as they hold my ears. There is presence and detachment at the same time. Afterword, there is an exhaustion that lasts for hours or even a full day. I swear, hit, spit, bite and attack anyone or thing within my flailing, spinning, Tasmanian Devil like path. I self loathe and feel helpless and guilty later. I have to wind down until the pent up pressure is gone.  The worst thing another livin...

In May, 2009, I had a violent meltdown that lead to law-enforcement and an ambulance ride to the E.R. Upon arrival I was greeted by a  screaming baby,  one of the very things my ears just CANNOT tolerate. I covered my ears and begin screaming in distress and immediately I witnessed the ignorance, prejudice and abuse of my junior high and high school past was crashing down on me in adulthood.  Several people were in the room barking questions like "What's your name?" "What meds are you on?" "Stop screaming, you're scaring the lady in the bed next to you!" On top of this, the baby is still screaming, which I am reminded "isn't its fault!" in a derogatory yell. I remind her through tears that I have  autism  and  sensory processing disorder  and cannot help my response, either. That brought a threat, "If you can't be quiet then we'll have to give you Haldol. You can't take Haldol? (I am allergic) I thought yo...

I wonder aloud if all my the writing, typing and posting, does a damn bit of good to better lives affected by autism. Drawing others near to Christ and trying to improve (in my own small way) lives for those on the spectrum is the only reason I bother with blogging. In the wake of police shooting unarmed African-Americans and white police officers being killed by African-American men  I have something to say: Black lives matter, police lives matter. Autistic lives matter, too! There isn’t enough money for funding to train police officers in de-escalation techniques (see link). About de-escalation:http://www.policemag.com/channel/careers-training/articles/2016/03/de-escalation-training-learning-to-back-off.aspx We, or those who love us shouldn’t have to be harmed or even killed due to a misunderstanding. Especially when we aren’t holding a weapon. I’m sure there are people who will say that any method of training doesn’t work 100% and I’d say they are right, but to do nothing i...

Autism awareness fact #1: Some people on the autism spectrum are sensory sensitive , sensory seeking or a combo of both. I am hyper sensitive in the area of auditory processing. Fireworks, dogs barking and fans humming may be excruciating to the autistic individual, prompting compensating devices such as earplugs or white noise. Scratchy tags or wool in clothing may prompt a rash to develop on their skin.  Autism acceptance idea #1: Recognize that we are not being "difficult". We are not trying purposely to inconvenience you when we scream at a loud noise or tear off the sweater you just bought us. Autism is a NEUROLOGICAL disorder involving, in part, the frontal & temporal lobes. These are areas responsible for impulse control and sensory input. We make accommodations EVERY DAY to function in a world that thrives on noise and distractions bombarding us on multiple fronts. It is not asking too much when we ask you to turn the music down, close the car window or to ...

  Disconnected  I am a typewriter that cannot write I am a radio that cannot play music I am a phone that cannot ring. I am a lamp that cannot throw any light I am a doorbell that cannot chime I am a car that cannot drive I am a television that cannot give you a picture But if you plug me into help and services For an adult with Asperger’s Syndrome and sensory processing disorder I can thrive and contribute  The question is, will you? A poem for politicians, social service agencies and those generally interested in my general welfare.

Before I received an autism diagnosis, certain members of my NT family were fine with making fun of me and calling me names. When I was 19, I was diagnosed with autism. Finally, there was an answer to why I covered my ears during loud noises and rocked almost constantly as well as my lack of eye-contact and slightly strange gait. People treated me differently post diagnosis. I hadn't changed since the diagnosis. I couldn't figure out why I was being shut out. Even people who were neutral toward me who would say "hello" did not. Some people didn't speak to me at all when I made the effort; and minimal socialization   is   an effort for me. This still happens. It happened at my mom's funeral two and a half years ago when I had to see my NT family members. It happened the other day when the NT neighbor came by to speak to my sister with me in the car. I am there , but not there. This might be an autistic point of view, but these people are very...

  In 2007, my mom, aunt and I went to an autism "support" group. I don't remember how I found out about the group, but I had asked via e-mail if there was anything for adults. The group leader said no (of course), but that they might consider starting an adult group. This was a group run by parents of autistic kids. Pro Autism Speaks. They were the main ones present at the meetings. There was only 1 other autistic adult who had mild intellectual disability and didn't come very often. Not long after my query, I was contacted to say that they would put one on the schedule and was e-mailed a copy. I was excited. An outlet for me. Resources and sympathy available for my 67-year-old mom. My mom said she had a bad vibe from the first meeting. I didn't see it, but by the 4th time it became clear: they were a clique, and if you thought thoughts apart from the clique then they hurt you. When my mother voiced her opposing opinion of Autism Speaks a...

Yes, it IS a disability! I honestly have to wonder if political correctness will be the death of us. Especially those of us with autism spectrum disorder if it is ever defined   solely   as a way of thinking differently, thus possibly nullifying services needed to survive. Autism is the only neurodevelopmental disorder that is constantly in conflict with causes, treatment options and self-identification. If you are totally self-sufficient, possibly married with (or without) kids, able to pay a mortgage or rent, manage a 401K along with feeding and dressing yourself, chances are you won't view your autism as a disability, but rather as ONLY a way of "thinking differently" or "processing at a different speed". Here is the problem I see if this   one-sided   perception becomes accepted as the norm: insurance companies won't have to cover treatment. It is hard enough to get insurance companies to accept autism as a valid medical diagnosis. I have...

My first avatar for this blog 11/4/16 Yes, this is me. The Avatar lady with resting bitch face. Don't blame me. That one isn't mine! I'm not really that horrible. I am hurt and angry. I am tired of people tearing me apart because they don't agree with my Christian Worldview and my autism. Why do I keep allowing commenting? Aren't I supposed to "believe the best"? Well, the assholes keep creeping in, despite civil warnings, so I am here now and I can say, after 6 years of blogging, there will never, ever be any commenting allowed here. Not ever. For me, commenting isn't healthy. It is another door Satan uses to try and tear me down. I am autistic, so communication is already a problem. My badly damaged sensory filters add to the hyper-sensitivity. Though I long to engage, I know the payoff, at least online, isn't worth it. I began my blogging journey here and I have come home to roost. I hope you will find what's written here t...

Imagine a sound that you absolutely cannot stand at even a low volume. Maybe it's a lawnmower, jackhammer, birds chirping, or sub woofers thumping from a passing car. Maybe it's a complex sound as in a song-THE ONE SONG YOU ABSOLUTELY CANNOT STAND TO HEAR because it brings up turbulent emotions each time you hear it or it makes you angry because it demeans women and/or minorities.  If you are more visually oriented, imagine the worst nightmare you ever dreamed, watching someone you love die, blinding strobe lights. If you are tactility inclined,  maybe it is the feel of wool or burlap being brushed against your skin.  Now imagine what ever the dreaded thing is- that it is  pervasive.  There is no escape from it. If you turn on your TV, there will be a flashing strobe light on every single channel you watch. If you go outside, birds will chirp, not only in the spring and summer, but also in fall and winter-all day and all night.  At...