Funkonovo/Allison's autism Blog

Camera lens with breaks in it. Light and sound amplification This photo had some serious Photoshop performed on it. This is what the sensory filter in my brain looks like.  I have autism and SPD (sensory processing disorder). That means my brain doesn't properly process some information, including certain auditory input. I was diagnosed with hyperacute hearing as a child and as having "autistic features" in 1998. In 2004, I was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome, now part of autism spectrum disorder. I read an interesting article on Wikipedia that explains sensory gating . My brain cannot perform this properly with sound. The "Cocktail Effect", a term used to describe how the brain filters out information it doesn't need, is pretty much absent in my brain. If I am around more than 4 people with 2 or more conversations, I feel like I am listening to 2 or more radio stations simultaneously. I use passive earmuffs and sometimes earplugs in public....

This is a dam near where I live. The stuck branch in the water drew my eye quick. I have come to realize that I am much like that branch sometimes. The dam of emotion gets a hold of me and I wind up saying and doing things that I would not do save if I were being put on the rack. Like the Apostle Paul, I wind up doing the very things I will not to do. I swear, I attack my attacker (thus ruining my witness for Christ) and think graphic, vengeful thoughts. I am autistic, so I naturally feel every emotion to the extreme. Anger feels something like this: Except with me, this is an implosion, that is, until the explosion (meltdown). This is something I pray over. Often. I have endured much persecution in the form of bullying from my junior school years straight into my adult years with the first responder and medical professions. Exclusion, isolation, ridicule anxiety, depression and mockery are familiar companions. There is someone else who was well acquainted wi...

I wonder aloud if all my the writing, typing and posting, does a damn bit of good to better lives affected by autism. Drawing others near to Christ and trying to improve (in my own small way) lives for those on the spectrum is the only reason I bother with blogging. In the wake of police shooting unarmed African-Americans and white police officers being killed by African-American men  I have something to say: Black lives matter, police lives matter. Autistic lives matter, too! There isn’t enough money for funding to train police officers in de-escalation techniques (see link). About de-escalation:http://www.policemag.com/channel/careers-training/articles/2016/03/de-escalation-training-learning-to-back-off.aspx We, or those who love us shouldn’t have to be harmed or even killed due to a misunderstanding. Especially when we aren’t holding a weapon. I’m sure there are people who will say that any method of training doesn’t work 100% and I’d say they are right, but to do nothing i...

God is present Amidst the barren, broken places I inhabit Called sensory overload, anxiety and depression I must constantly remind myself He is. He is good. He is love. He never changes. He will not leave or forsake me In spite of the darkness That is Satan trying to win another battle A new day is coming No more sin I must   hang in there And not submit to defeat “And Jacob awaked out of his sleep, and he said, Surely Jehovah is in this place. And I knew it not.” Genesis 28:16 ASV

I understand when non-believers ask me why bad things happen to good people. I am newer at being saved by grace than I am at being autistic, but I am willing to practice patience and educate people. That patience is lost when people yell and use sarcasm, taking out on me what I presume they mean toward God. I haven't quite mastered how to shake the bully syndrome I've been caught in since grade school. I comfort my frightened, inner child by ripping my attacker a new ass hole. Then, of course, I feel bad. I realize I am sinful and live in a sin-laden world. "If your God is so good, then why does He allow evil?" Firstly, since you yelled at me, the conversation is over. Insulting me will result in shut out. If you are autistic and have done this, I have to ask if things like empathy and tolerance only apply when it concerns only you . Secondly, God isn't mine. I am His . Thirdly, and I am sorry, but-there are no "good" people. I know that...

The broken window of opportunity This window has seen many a season. It has weathered many a storm. It has helped to protect livestock. It is broken, but it provided me with a beautiful photo op. I see beauty in broken, weathered and damaged things. I think the same can be said of humans. Though we are broken by sin, we are loved and made whole by Jesus, who never stops loving us, even when we break His heart. I vouch for this via personal experience.