Funkonovo/Allison's autism Blog

Beyond broken: photograph of a window with broken panes double exposured with barren trees against a gray sky. Credit: Allison M. Kramer Content Warning: Abandonment, ableism and suicide, mental illness, trauma On my last blog site, I wrote about having a friendship with my boss (which failed due to allistic behavior and my official ending of that friendship via a handwritten note). I've written about how making and maintaining friendships is nearly impossible, because others don't enjoy spending time around someone who can't go most public places (resturants, movie theaters) due to sensory overload.  I actually had a few friends for a few years in middle school and high school. They were the initiators. One girl commented on how spicy the pizza in the cafeteria was. After commenting on the cafeteria food, I asked if we could be friends. She introduced me to another girl who in turn, introduced me to another friend. Unfortunately, there was socio-economic inequal...

In the 1990's and 2000's, I wrote poetry. Today, I would like to share one of my poems. Ignorant I take a hammer to the sky And the shards of china blue Rain down like daggers There is a bullet hole In the starless new night sky That swallows the light Pillars of stone and salt Tumble to the ground In thunderous collapse This is my doing; I shall not look back Will you remain ignorant still Now that these things are done? Was it necessary for us To bare these pangs Because I am not as you are? Violently exposing an other's deceit. That is what usually culminates into the end of any relationship I have ever had. I have no tolerance for targeted sarcasm, usually frustration on the part of the other person. It must be a neurotypical thing, because I haven't had autistic friends. I haven't had the chance to be included due to my neuromakeup and lack accommodating services. I have tried, with some success, to addre...

Before I received an autism diagnosis, certain members of my NT family were fine with making fun of me and calling me names. When I was 19, I was diagnosed with autism. Finally, there was an answer to why I covered my ears during loud noises and rocked almost constantly as well as my lack of eye-contact and slightly strange gait. People treated me differently post diagnosis. I hadn't changed since the diagnosis. I couldn't figure out why I was being shut out. Even people who were neutral toward me who would say "hello" did not. Some people didn't speak to me at all when I made the effort; and minimal socialization   is   an effort for me. This still happens. It happened at my mom's funeral two and a half years ago when I had to see my NT family members. It happened the other day when the NT neighbor came by to speak to my sister with me in the car. I am there , but not there. This might be an autistic point of view, but these people are very...