Funkonovo/Allison's autism Blog

 Caption: A burned out, white autistic woman  Content Warning: Mention of suicide and depression. Please don't read this if you are upset by these topics and/or are in a bad place mentally. I'm not the kind of autistic person that has friends (plural). I'm the autistic person, long out of high school who sits home all day with TV as company. I'm not the autistic adult thriving on social media, a place where I have been bullied by both autistic and allistic (non autistic) people. I am the autistic person without a tribe. There is no real place of personal acceptance for me. I'm the autistic person who has high support needs without having an IQ below 70. I'm the autistic person who rocks or performs some kind of stim constantly to alleviate high anxiety. I'm not that thriving autistic adult who has some kind of community support while attending college and/or interviewing for or working a job. I'm not that autistic Millennial you read so much ...

After a 2 decade hiatus, I finally did something I'd been wanting to do since my maiden voyage at age 18. I got inked- again! This is a repeat victory for someone who used to agonize over blood tests. I had to get a lot of them when I was 17, as I was on medication that required periodic blood tests, particularly for Lithobid, which I am no longer on. I was also hospitalized over 20 times (I stopped counting after 20), and blood draws are a part of the experience. I had wanted a tattoo since I was 12. I used to get the stick on ones from Claire's. I saw a little butterfly on the sheet of stick ons, and I knew once I was of age (18 was legal for tattoos back in 1997) I would be getting a tattoo. Being stuck like a pig definitely helped me prepare! My dad would've been against it, but he had passed in 1994 (23 years ago today). My mom was cool with it-I got the second child privilege. By contrast my older sister couldn't date or get her ears pierced until she was ...

Chapter 3: Does autism get easier as you age? Based on my   personal experience:   somewhat yes and mostly no. Yes,   some   of my sensory sensitivities become tolerable. For me, this meant being able to go from screaming and covering my eyes every time a flash fired on a camera to being able to endure purple pupils following a photograph. By my preteen years, I was able to handle the doorbell ringing instead of freaking out by both the startle and the noise. What a relief it was that my mother could play the organ at mid-volume in the den next to my bedroom and I could handle it with my door closed. Being forewarned, I could even tolerate the vacuum being turned on and even being in the same room. But by the time I turned 14, I began to notice increasing sensitivity to other sounds   already too loud , especially when accompanied by   startle. I began to experience more meltdowns more frequently and much lower overall frustration tolerance. ...

Photo negative of blog author lying on floor with OCD description I write mainly about my autism on this blog. I have not got into my co-morbids much.  When I was about five years old, I began to have unwelcome, unpremeditated thoughts. They were intrusive and did not reflect how I felt toward others. I kept hearing a (non audible) voice like "Push your mother/father down the stairs" when I would be behind them on a staircase. I "hear" an imaginary voice when I am reading. I don't know if others hear themselves read, but I do. I was also blessed with loving parents.  The thoughts I had were confusing and scary. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt or even kill my parents.  There were other directives, such as take one way around to the back yard or bad things will happen to you (meaning me). I thank God I didn't give into the inaudible voice, impulsion or compulsion. I could better function overall as a child. Most of my intrusive thoughts ar...

Profile of a face with a rainbow colored brain. Personal autism attributes in various colors font. Since I am a visually oriented thinker, pictures come before words. Words flow easier if I can create an image or images first. Here is one case in point. I am very grateful for PixTeller.com for providing the royalty free images and designing capability.

I've read the plea of an autistic parent many times over- "I would just like to eat dinner with my family out in public." The family cannot do so, because one or more of their children is autistic. The noise of clanking, clattering dishes, crying babies and bright lights incites a very physical and verbal meltdown. The child hits themselves. They scream. The judgemental stares and tongue clucks begin. It is simply safer and less humiliating to eat in. Now imagine the autistic child grown up. Perhaps they have learned to better manage  sensory overload  and get away from a situation before it leads to a meltdown. Maybe they always have a safe person with them (as I do) when they are away from home. Perhaps that person is the parent. They still would like to have a meal out with the entire family, but it won't happen. It's not that the family never tried again. This time, the autistic person wore earplugs and sunglasses. They were older and did their best to ...

I have had medical therapy for my hyper-acute hearing. I also wear passive headphones and/or earplugs as the therapy could not help me 100%. It is called Tinnitus Retraining Therapy. TRT primarily helps those suffering from Tinnitus, but also benefits those with hyperacusis (I was diagnosed at age 10, but no therapies existed to treat it). To find God, I think He had to work all the distractions and perversions out of me. I have found the comfort and encouragement in Him that an autism support group never could have hoped to hold a candle to. All they did was cyber-bully me, parents of kids with autism because I politely disagreed with a speaker they wanted at a future meeting. There is much more I would like to touch on, and I have on my blog, “autisticaplanet blogs”. I began blogging on Blogger back in 2009 before moving to Wordpress and back to Blogger again last fall. It has grown to include my growing interest in nature photography. I hope you will visit. I am not a “long dist...

autisticaplanet avatar The following is a long list of what it is like FOR ME to live with autism 1. Having constant anxiety. 2. Constantly stimming to relieve anxiety, usually by rocking. 3. Hypersensitive hearing that makes living with most "everyday sounds" impossible. 4. As a result of #3, limited exposure to the outside world to keep me and others safe. 5. Unemployment. 6. Not being able to participate in what little programs there are available due to #3 and #4. 7. Knowing exactly what I want to say through writing often coupled with imagery with little need to revise. 8. Taking anti-anxiety and antidepressant medication to help me remain in my own skin. 9. Intrusive and unwanted thoughts. I have OCD. 10. Being a highly visual thinker who has to deal with #9 a lot. 11. Being poor at directions. I use landmarks to picture where I am going. 12. Not being able to drive. This also means I don't have a car payment or car insurance to worry about. 13....

Matching earring and necklace set in pink. gold and gray. I love to wear jewelry. My mother loved jewelry. I must have inherited this trait from her. I often do mix and match, but during a stressful event such as PMS . Something in my brain doesn't allow me to deal with mixing, only matching. Knowing this, I have a few matching necklace and earring sets. They are the "go to items" I wear when OCD has a grip on me. Department stores such as Kohls (where I shop) has plenty of affordable costume jewelry , including surgical steel earring backs. Cubic Zirconia or any clear crystal will go with anything. If you have any go-tos for stressful times in your life, figure out what they are and use them. It is a great coping tool. 

I've heard it said that the best ideas often come when in the shower. The hot water massages my head and the steam opens my sinuses. What happened one June night back in 2010 is something that wasn't a byproduct of heat and steam. I had been under what I call "house arrest" since 2006, when a violent meltdown at the mall (which included screaming, swearing, self harm and punching walls), bringing many security guards. My mom had to pull me outside with all her strength. I was not mentally or physically able. A meltdown is such a horrific experience from the total involuntary loss of self-control to the days it takes me to recover. I also have fears based on reality about being arrested or taken, for short periods via ambulance, from my immediate family, which is now comprised only of my sister, whom I live with. Anyway, I pretty much avoided going out in public, to avoid sensory overload and keep both me and the public safe. It was a sad and boring period pu...

Ground just broke on First Place, a residential facility for autistic adults that is low sensory and teaches them life skills.  Denise Resnik spent 20 years seeing her dream come to fruition.  Her son is autistic. She worried about what would happen to him before the school bus stopped coming, when her son was still in his single-digit years. This development, expected to open in 2018, is both privately and publically funded. It is for adult autistics who have higher executive functioning but still need support, including a low-sensory environment. Please click the link below to read and share. http://www.azcentral.com/story/news/local/phoenix/2016/12/06/breaking-ground-work-begins-first-place-complex-phoenix-adults-autism/95046774/

The following are things Santa can't fit in a stocking.  1. A friend. An emotionally  stable , laid back person who would always have my back and not ask dumb questions or shun me because of my autistic traits. I already have one true friend. However, she does live an hour away and travel is getting much more difficult for her, especially during the darker winter months. She is in her 80's, though she has the soul of a child, there are limits. 2. Purpose. It isn't uncommon for autistic people to lack meaningful relationships or purpose in life. It is sadly a stereotype of the condition. I am blessed to be able to make stretch bracelets, but I cannot afford to do it constantly, nor is there that high a demand for them. 3. Community involvement. Due to my severe SPD , I cannot function properly or safely for a prolonged period of time in most public places such as movie theaters, restaurants, grocery stores or anyplace where there is a constant, variable of c...

The Onion in the Petunia Patch PDF This is my memoir compiled over the last 2 years. It is one woman's story about growing up with undiagnosed autism. Click on the link to view the PDF file. Thanks for reading! https://docs.google.com/viewer?url=https://www.freepdfconvert.com/result/downloadfile/fbe6b521-dd97-48b0-8086-388847c77bef

I hate books. I cringe just looking at them. I won't read one unless it is a serious matter like reading the Bible, and I only do so for short bursts. I opt for the audio version any time I can. This means there are tons of books I can't read, as there is no audio book or the audio book is very expensive as is the case on iTunes (usually $40.00 and up for 300 pages). Reading for any length of time makes for a migraine. I am a visual and aural learner. Words bore me silly. Black on white mush. I won't even read a blog post past the 500th word. I skim read after that. I try to keep my own blog posts short and provide visual "breaks". How did I survive school? Textbooks were broken down into chapters, so there wasn't a whole lot to read for homework, which was accompanied by taking notes and/or a worksheet to fill out. Novels and plays were read in class. Kids took turns, myself included, reading brief passages. If there was more book than cl...

I'm not waiting for Christmas. I compiled a wish list regarding housing that takes into account the special need of the ASD individual with life-limiting sensory processing disorder (SPD). First, I state why living in an "anything goes" neighborhood (where most people live) is unhealthy and unsafe.     -Randomness; lack of routine and predictability as faced in most typical living environments. -          Chance for harm: victimization due to natural gullibility (lack of “street smarts”). -          Lack of adequate transportation due to not being able to drive a car or tolerate the sensory overload of public transportation. -          Staying inside, isolated from the community due to auditory and visual sensory overload. -          High blood pressure due to pervasive environmenta...

I call this "Dancing with herselves" Being lonely is different from being alone. Being alone, for me, is when I have had enough sensory input from a person and/or environment. It is a choice. Being lonely is something I have little choice over. Due to the severe limitations of my autism spectrum disorder, I don’t have the simple luxury of calling up a friend to see if they are free for coffee or a walk in the park.  My only friend lives 45 minutes away and due to age, can’t drive long distances on a constant basis. I cannot drive. What support and socialization that does exist is for disabled people who can go anywhere and be exposed to everything as long as it is ADA compliant. I am alone in my home without human contact 6 days a week for 90% of my day. My sister does her best, but she, like my aunt, has a life that includes shared experiences with other people. Mine doesn’t. Nobody else in my family or community is interested in relating to me. I notice ...