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Showing posts from November, 2016

One of my hobbies: Making stretch bracelets

In 2015, I began making stretch bracelets. It is simple enough given my fine motor skill impairment. I infrequently make a little cash in the process. I love to make a product that anyone can afford. I enjoy giving them away as well.  I can contribute to a world that is very difficult for me to participate in. I give thanks to the woman who sells them in her store for me. She is one of many blessings in my life. If you want to get into stretch jewelry, I recommend  Michael's craft stores. They have the most variety and cost range. I use Stretch Magic 1mm cord. They also have 1.5mm. Nice and big to hold onto and knot. If you are gross motor skill impaired, this hobby will most likely not be a good fit for you. Michael's has many hobbies, including adult coloring books, scrapbooking and kids crafts. Hobby Lobby has a lot of pretty stuff, but they are a bit more costly and not as varied in their selection, at least when it comes to bead selection. If you have a

On the fringe: autism and family gatherings

Child covering ears Family gatherings are noisey. There are a myriad of voices that range in pitch and volume. There is that one person who laughs so loud that tears well in my eyes. Boys yell and bang on the piano. Someone is taking a photo with flash. Greeting people is part of being polite, even when you are already in sensory overload. Perfumes and colognes combine and foods from the kitchen circulate. Men yell at the football game and women laugh at something funny.  All this is taken in at the door. There is a long way to wade through before I can put my coat in a quiet bedroom. I have to remember to smile and say "hello" as well as accept hugs. There are a few cousins who cannot stand my presence, though, at age 5, I don't know what I could have possibly done to upset them. I am asked, "Why do you plug your ears?" I am told repeatedly that nobody wants me here. I am the only one who isn't part of a group. Sometimes, I get bullied. A parent

Why change is so hard for me and what I do to prepare ahead of this challenge

New things present as an uphill battle. Change is scary to me unless it comes on my terms. Maybe this is why I did poorly understanding Algebra. There's always a variable.  I don't intend to be difficult or selfish. Having a battle plan is how I make sense of life. Adaptation is a skill that comes naturally for some people, but not for me.  I find having a plan B is a good idea. For example, if you plan on going to an outdoor event and it rains, scheduling a rain date ahead of time. The rain date can substitute for an unexpected illness as well. There are some changes that are inevitable like losing a loved one, and that is something that takes prayer and time alone with God. Having family and friends who can help by listening is also key.  Ultimately, trusting in God, not circumstances, to be secure in this life is both necessary and difficult to do, but it is worth the effort. "And we know that God causes everything to work together  for the good of those

Wish for companionship, acknowledgement of emptiness

Taken during a visit to Anderson Japanese Gardens in Rockford, Illinois, USA. To me, the empty chairs are the symbol of human connection I wish I could have and the emptiness that is. I can't handle much, but I would like more than I have in my life now. Here is a link to a really awesome and simple free photo editing software site: https://pixlr.com/express/

The Onion in the Petunia Patch

The Onion in the Petunia Patch PDF This is my memoir compiled over the last 2 years. It is one woman's story about growing up with undiagnosed autism. Click on the link to view the PDF file. Thanks for reading! https://docs.google.com/viewer?url=https://www.freepdfconvert.com/result/downloadfile/fbe6b521-dd97-48b0-8086-388847c77bef

Contribution

Recently, I have had the privilege of becoming a contributor to The Mighty, a blog of many voices on all kinds of illnesses, diseases and disabilities. Check out the link here:  https://themighty.com/2016/11/understanding-my-responses-to-sensory-triggers-related-to-spd/ I hope to get the word out about accepting and accommodating autistic people rather than judging and excluding them. The irony is that I do wind up feeling isolated due to the components that make up my autism. 1. My I.Q. is 110, but I struggle with sensory processing disorder in a very life limiting way. 2. Due mainly to the sensory processing, I don't get to do things like go over to people's houses (I also can't drive for the same reason) or go to restaurants. If there is a baby or a dog making noise, I must have a plan of absolute escape. 3. My meltdowns are horrors . They present more like a nonverbal, intellectually disabled autistic person's. Guttural screaming and hitting myself and ot

I am an autistic woman who hates books!

I hate books. I cringe just looking at them. I won't read one unless it is a serious matter like reading the Bible, and I only do so for short bursts. I opt for the audio version any time I can. This means there are tons of books I can't read, as there is no audio book or the audio book is very expensive as is the case on iTunes (usually $40.00 and up for 300 pages). Reading for any length of time makes for a migraine. I am a visual and aural learner. Words bore me silly. Black on white mush. I won't even read a blog post past the 500th word. I skim read after that. I try to keep my own blog posts short and provide visual "breaks". How did I survive school? Textbooks were broken down into chapters, so there wasn't a whole lot to read for homework, which was accompanied by taking notes and/or a worksheet to fill out. Novels and plays were read in class. Kids took turns, myself included, reading brief passages. If there was more book than cl

Crying in the car

I used to cry on long car trips as an infant up until age 5. It wasn’t due to boredom. It was due to sensory processing disorder than accompanied my (undiagnosed back in the 1980’s) autism spectrum disorder. My mom rode in the back seat to comfort me rather than quitting taking me out in the car.             I fortunately outgrew this around age four. I do remember telling my mother later that it was due to the sound of the tires against the road that set me off.             While I am blessed to have outgrown some intolerable sounds like the doorbell, others intensified as my brain continued to develop. Some examples include babies crying and dog barking.             Some experts have theorized that it was solely due to my dad’s sudden death in my teens, but if that were the case, how would one explain the extreme auditory sensitivity before he died? How would that theory stand up in the wake of the progress I have made in the 21 years since his death?             I

Late turning autumn tree

Normally, this tree would be as bald as Mr. T by late October. An extended Indian summer (interrupted by random cold days) has allowed the trees to keep their leaves longer. Sometimes technology lends to nature, as in the case of this photo. I found pixlr express for desktop. I can create different moods and, in some cases, make nature look better. An overcast sky dulled a lot of things such as the hues of the background treeline. I am reminded of Psalm 24:1-2 "The earth is the  Lord 's and the fullness thereof, the world and those who dwell therein,   for he has  founded it upon  the seas and established it upon the rivers."  God also puts His creativity in the minds of men, such as those who created this free software. May He be praised, Amen. Pixlr express:  https://pixlr.com/express/

Working in retail as an undiagnosed autistic teenager

When I was 16, I got a notion in my head that I needed to get a job. I wasn't ready at 15, when most kids in the U.S. start getting "legitimate" jobs-mostly in the retail industry. I wanted a job to prove myself. Nobody made me go to Office Max for an interview. I picked Office Max, because I loved how office supplies smell. I love to organize things and figured that it would be quiet (I don't know why) in an office supply store. My mom let me know that there was no pressure from her. I think she was trying to dissuade me without making me feel like I couldn't do anything. She was willing to let me try. The interview went well. I knew to dress nice and be on time. The man asked me questions like if I was okay with wearing a uniform. Yes. Was I OK with taking direction (that seemed like an odd question to me. I always generally did what was asked of me). Yes. Did I have a set amount of salary? I said no. I didn't know a job candidate had any right to n

Does autism get easier as one ages? A personal perspective

Based on my personal experience: somewhat yes and mostly no. Yes, some of my sensory sensitivities become tolerable. For me, this meant being able to go from screaming and covering my eyes every time a flash fired on a camera to being able to endure purple pupils following a photograph.  By my preteen years, I was able to handle the doorbell ringing instead of freaking out by both the startle and the noise. What a relief it was that my mother could play the organ at mid-volume in the den next to my bedroom and I could handle it with my door closed. Being forewarned, I could even tolerate the vacuum being turned on and even being in the same room. But by the time I turned 14, I began to notice increasing sensitivity to sounds already too loud , especially when accompanied by startle. I began to experience more meltdowns more frequently and much lower overall frustration tolerance. Add to this intense bullying during middle school and high-school years and the sudde

Going for EEG Pt. 2- the test results

My QEEG test results On May 8, 2009, I met with the doctor who did my QEEG (quantitative electroencephalogram) a few weeks ago to get the test results. He told me, in summary, that my brain is in a permanent state of hyper-arousal.   They even have a name for this amount of extreme over-activity as it displays images of the affected brain in vivid yellow, orange and red- THE RING OF FIRE . It is also called this because the brain never calms down. I would like to state that I do not have a sleep disorder. The irony isn't lost on me, and I'm extremely grateful.  In both the absolute and relative images, between 12 hertz and 25 hertz of power is where my brain takes on the all the attributes of a sun-storm . I also show signs of stress disorder and a degree of attention deficit, though it is not ADD/ADHD.  ADD/ADHD is caused by the brain working too slow to process new information. In contrast, my brain is working way too fast to take in much of anything. 

Going for an EEG

Me getting an EEG in 2009 I am wearing a tight-fitting skull cap. The things on the skull cap are injected with gel and then wires called leads are connected to them. Before the skull cap can go on, though, I must have my forehead wiped with a gritty cleanser that will allow for the leads to get a "cleaner" picture of my brain activity.  The skull cap has 2 straps that my mom fastens to my chest. It is now time for my EEG. Unlike EEG's that map out images of the brain, this one will be recording my brain waves. The objective is to find out if there is any disturbance in my brain waves, and if there is, enough to warrant intervention. If you are touch sensitive, I do not see how you could have this test done. I am not touch sensitive, but I found when the gel was being injected into the little red things, it felt like my scalp was getting the injection. I even asked if they were giving me a shot in my scalp. They assured me I was not getting an injection

Flashback Friday: Kids with autism are different, not less

My grown up SENSORY FRIENDLY HOUSING wishlist

I'm not waiting for Christmas. I compiled a wish list regarding housing that takes into account the special need of the ASD individual with life-limiting sensory processing disorder (SPD). First, I state why living in an "anything goes" neighborhood (where most people live) is unhealthy and unsafe.     -Randomness; lack of routine and predictability as faced in most typical living environments. -          Chance for harm: victimization due to natural gullibility (lack of “street smarts”). -          Lack of adequate transportation due to not being able to drive a car or tolerate the sensory overload of public transportation. -          Staying inside, isolated from the community due to auditory and visual sensory overload. -          High blood pressure due to pervasive environmental stressors like traffic, dogs, and children playing. and underlying depression that paves the way for other health problems like heart disease, hypertension, depres

Crying the first week of school

I used to cry the first week of school, not just the first day. I cried due to the grave disruption in my routine and knowing I was in for another 180 days of constant bullying.  When I was in 6th grade, I came home with a Migraine and had to be given a lukewarm bath as I had hyperthermia (no air conditioning in the middle school in 1990).  In 7th grade, I passed out in gym class because of overexertion caused by the heat and crying and had to go home early. The tears were impossible to hide.  People kept asking me why I was crying. They invented names for me like "puddles". Looking back, that nickname sounds funny, but what I endured was anything but.  I am reminded that my Lord and Savior endured much pain for my sins in His incarnate life on earth. He endured the pain, not returning insult. This thought recently dawned on me. While I certainly felt I didn't deserve the treatment I received and the years of damage it caused me, I was an am still

Appreciate God's diverse creation

The hummingbird moth Yikes! I was over at my aunt's house back in 2013. We were admiring her yard work when a few of these hummingbird moths came fluttering out of her white Phlox. My aunt yelled, "Eek!", and ran promptly for the house. That is probably what most people would do. I, on the other hand, tried to touch it and then I grabbed my camera, fascinated with this curious insect or bird. I didn't know until I got home. I found out that the Hyles-lineata is only ONE kind of hummingbird moth. http://www.butterfliesandmoths.org/species/Hyles-lineata My blog turned 1 week old. It is still a baby blog, so it has been undergoing lots of changes with editing and layout. If you are still reading it, despite running into a few "bugs",  I thank you.  God makes some of His creation elegant while other things look quite odd. Both God and National Geographic love them all. May we appreciate the variety and diversity in which God has mad