Funkonovo/Allison's autism Blog

Reaching toward heaven I was trying to get a different perspective taking nature shots. I had looked up to see this mass of white clouds hovering above bare tree branches. The branches looked like arms and fingers reaching up toward heaven. The clouds reminded me of something like  Exodus 13:21    where God's presence was with the Israelite s, guiding them. God takes care of all those who put their trust in His Son, Jesus. I have trusted Him in seeing me through my mom's death, an arrest, transitioning from one treatment facility to another and more recently, some neighbors treating Saturday nights as their own personal 4th of July. I still feel pain. I am tempted to doubt and catch myself self loathing. I keep praying .  I know nothing lasts forever. I look forward to eternity with God and my Christian loved ones who are there already. I hope you will come to know Jesus and accept Him as both your Lord as well as your Savior. Amen! ...

I call this "Dancing with herselves" Being lonely is different from being alone. Being alone, for me, is when I have had enough sensory input from a person and/or environment. It is a choice. Being lonely is something I have little choice over. Due to the severe limitations of my autism spectrum disorder, I don’t have the simple luxury of calling up a friend to see if they are free for coffee or a walk in the park.  My only friend lives 45 minutes away and due to age, can’t drive long distances on a constant basis. I cannot drive. What support and socialization that does exist is for disabled people who can go anywhere and be exposed to everything as long as it is ADA compliant. I am alone in my home without human contact 6 days a week for 90% of my day. My sister does her best, but she, like my aunt, has a life that includes shared experiences with other people. Mine doesn’t. Nobody else in my family or community is interested in relating to me. I notice ...

My autistic brain on fire This is how I feel when I am getting close to a meltdown. I am exposed to one of my trigger sounds (babies crying, dogs barking and fireworks). I am in a situation where I cannot escape them.  Learning how to use a computer lead to many meltdowns, one so bad that 911 was called and I was hospitalized for several days. I have a low frustration threshold for the unexpected.  Meltdowns are an inner and outer body experience at the same time. I can feel the interior of my body shaking, my throat becoming hamburger meat as I scream, and my hands like a vice as they hold my ears. There is presence and detachment at the same time. Afterword, there is an exhaustion that lasts for hours or even a full day. I swear, hit, spit, bite and attack anyone or thing within my flailing, spinning, Tasmanian Devil like path. I self loathe and feel helpless and guilty later. I have to wind down until the pent up pressure is gone.  The worst thing another livin...