- Welcome to a blog about an autistic adult woman in her late 30's using words and images to advocate acceptance as well as awareness of those with life-limiting sensory processing issues and resulting social and behavioral challenges. I write about inclusion ideas for those who remain in isolation due to their neuromakeup and share how my Christian faith keeps me going. Thank you for visiting.
Monday, November 7, 2016
Anger and being autistic
This is a dam near where I live. The stuck branch in the water drew my eye quick. I have come to realize that I am much like that branch sometimes. The dam of emotion gets a hold of me and I wind up saying and doing things that I would not do save if I were being put on the rack.
Like the Apostle Paul, I wind up doing the very things I will not to do. I swear, I attack my attacker (thus ruining my witness for Christ) and think graphic, vengeful thoughts.
I am autistic, so I naturally feel every emotion to the extreme. Anger feels something like this:
Except with me, this is an implosion, that is, until the explosion (meltdown).
This is something I pray over. Often.
I have endured much persecution in the form of bullying from my junior school years straight into my adult years with the first responder and medical professions.
Exclusion, isolation, ridicule anxiety, depression and mockery are familiar companions.
There is someone else who was well acquainted with all of these in His time here on earth; Jesus.
Since Jesus was/is sinless, He did not return insult for insult. Scripture says that "He was oppressed and afflicted, yet he did not open his mouth; he was led like a lamb to the slaughter, and as a sheep before its shearers is silent, so he did not open his mouth." Isaiah 53:7 NIV
It also says,
"He was despised and rejected--a man of sorrows, acquainted with deepest grief. We turned our backs on him and looked the other way. He was despised, and we did not care." Isaiah 53:3 NLT
That is so very apparent today.
It isn't sinful to feel anger, but it is sinful to act on it in a way that tears down others.
Jesus tells us how to treat everybody, not just those who like us.
"So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets." Matthew 7:12 NIV
This is known as the "Golden Rule". Jesus also instructs us in John 15:12 "This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have d you."
I admit that this is a work in progress and that I will be praying about my anger.
It hurts my soul to see the harm I've caused over the summer and fall.
One thing I've tried and failed miserly at is social media. Allowing commenting on my blog was an ongoing mistake. I've washed my hands of both.
I know God loves me and forgives me and that His opinion comes first.
I also know though I am precious to Him, I live in a fallen world full of too many altercations with people who care neither about God or people with special needs.
This could lead me to a post on righteous anger (see Matthew 21:12-13), the kind of anger one feels at social and moral injustice, for example, but I will quit while I'm ahead.
Help me, Jesus. You know me better than I know myself. You are my example. Your will be done. Amen.