I'm really not that bad...I am me

My first avatar for this blog 11/4/16

Yes, this is me. The Avatar lady with resting bitch face. Don't blame me. That one isn't mine!
I'm not really that horrible. I am hurt and angry.
I am tired of people tearing me apart because they don't agree with my Christian Worldview and my autism.
Why do I keep allowing commenting?
Aren't I supposed to "believe the best"?
Well, the assholes keep creeping in, despite civil warnings, so I am here now and I can say, after 6 years of blogging, there will never, ever be any commenting allowed here.
Not ever.
For me, commenting isn't healthy. It is another door Satan uses to try and tear me down.
I am autistic, so communication is already a problem. My badly damaged sensory filters add to the hyper-sensitivity.
Though I long to engage, I know the payoff, at least online, isn't worth it.
I began my blogging journey here and I have come home to roost.
I hope you will find what's written here to be helpful. If not, there are other blogs in the blogosphere.
I have switched from identity to anonymity, the reverse of what other bloggers do. But I am not others. I am me.

modern day compliments from ian

A heavenly perspective

Reaching toward heaven I was trying to get a different perspective taking nature shots. I had looked up to see this mass of white clouds hovering above bare tree branches. The branches looked like arms and fingers reaching up toward heaven. The clouds reminded me of something like Exodus 13:21 where God's presence was with the Israelite s, guiding them. God takes care of all those who put their trust in His Son, Jesus. I have trusted Him in seeing me through my mom's death, an arrest, transitioning from one treatment facility to another and more recently, some neighbors treating Saturday nights as their own personal 4th of July. I still feel pain. I am tempted to doubt and catch myself self loathing. I keep praying . I know nothing lasts forever. I look forward to eternity with God and my Christian loved ones who are there already. I hope you will come to know Jesus and accept Him as both your Lord as well as your Savior. Amen! ...

My Meltdown-a poem

A woman on fire-Pixabay My meltdown is Echoed in my screaming Adrenaline is racing like napalm through my veins Moro reflex punching my gut over and over Reliving the sensory overload on a loop I'm drowning without being in water and I have to go to bed for 2 days Sometimes it brings red and blue flashing lights on a squad car Handcuffs chewing into my wrists Lots of shouting and grabbing Strapped to a backboard while my skin turns purple and black Locked up, drugged up Being punished for something I cannot control It isn't a conscience choice I've made To disrupt my life or yours It so happened that A dog was barking- A child was screaming- Someone set off a firecracker- And I couldn't process the information fast enough To remain in control of my executive functioning The threat of sensory overload hangs pregnant, like a cumulonimbus cloud I need a safe place and safe people- now and until I die To successfully process what life...

Funkonovo/Allison's autism Blog

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