Skip to main content

My Meltdown-a poem

A woman on fire-Pixabay
My meltdown is
Echoed in my screaming
Adrenaline is racing like napalm through my veins
Moro reflex punching my gut over and over
Reliving the sensory overload on a loop

 I'm drowning without being in water
and I have to go to bed for 2 days

 Sometimes it brings red and blue flashing lights on a squad car 
Handcuffs chewing into my wrists
Lots of shouting and grabbing
Strapped to a backboard while my skin turns purple and black

 Locked up, drugged up
Being punished for something I cannot control
It isn't a conscience choice I've made
To disrupt my life or yours

 It so happened that
A dog was barking-
A child was screaming-
Someone set off a firecracker-
And I couldn't process the information fast enough
To remain in control of my executive functioning
The threat of sensory overload
hangs pregnant, like a cumulonimbus cloud

 I need a safe place and safe people- now and until I die
To successfully process what life heaps upon me

 -autisticaplanet
Will you help me to make this a reality? I cannot do it alone, behind a computer detached from any notion of community. I don't want my life story to end in a jail cell, nursing home or alley. 


Labels:

Popular posts from this blog

modern day compliments from ian

Read more

First Day of Spring

Cherry blossom tree in Springtime with light blue sky Today is the first day of Spring.  As of late, I have presented a lot of dark, weighty subject material. I thought it was time for something positive and lighter. While Winter serves as a cushion and break from the outside sensory world, it also renews me for the next season. Spring helps me to appreciate the present a little more, as Summer can be tough with kids being off of school and setting off fireworks. Here is to the present. I also want to take the time to thank the Lord for always being with me, no matter how dark things get.
Read more

The Onion in the Petunia Patch Part Three

Young adulthood-present I attempted suicide when I was 17, six months before graduation. I was hospitalized for the first of what would be over 20 spanning from 1997-2006. More bullying and much more blame came from what was supposed to be a place of healing. I was told how spoiled I was, what a con-artist I was; manipulative (as if plugging my ears and screaming at the loud toddler visiting was my way of wanting to “get” something from someone-other than quiet). There were more suicide attempts. In 1998, I saw the next in a series of psychiatrists/psychologists. This man diagnosed me, wearily, with “autistic tendencies”. I was 19. I went on to getting into trouble with the law and almost being imprisoned. I firmly believe if it hadn't been for my mom’s nursing sense and persevering spirit, I would have gone to jail and would not be here today. I questioned God. I began to wonder if He really did exist. I decided that He did, but that He hated me, even was bullying me. How s...
Read more