My Meltdown-a poem

A woman on fire-Pixabay

My meltdown is
Echoed in my screaming
Adrenaline is racing like napalm through my veins
Moro reflex punching my gut over and over
Reliving the sensory overload on a loop

I'm drowning without being in water
and I have to go to bed for 2 days

Sometimes it brings red and blue flashing lights on a squad car
Handcuffs chewing into my wrists
Lots of shouting and grabbing
Strapped to a backboard while my skin turns purple and black

Locked up, drugged up
Being punished for something I cannot control
It isn't a conscience choice I've made
To disrupt my life or yours

It so happened that
A dog was barking-
A child was screaming-
Someone set off a firecracker-
And I couldn't process the information fast enough
To remain in control of my executive functioning

The threat of sensory overload
hangs pregnant, like a cumulonimbus cloud

I need a safe place and safe people- now and until I die
To successfully process what life heaps upon me

-autisticaplanet

Will you help me to make this a reality? I cannot do it alone, behind a computer detached from any notion of community. I don't want my life story to end in a jail cell, nursing home or alley.

I wasn’t meant to be a primary caregiver

As I have mentioned in posts over the last 2 years, my mom passed away 2.5 years ago. Caring for her in her final months was difficult, but doing it as an autistic person 5 days in a row the first couple weeks was impossible. She was in the end stages of pulmonary fibrosis. She weighed 70 pounds and was gradually withdrawing from eating and drinking. She had reached the point where she was scared to be alone. For. A. Single. Instant. I tried to tell my family that this much intensive care for 5 days straight was too much. I couldn't process it. There was no fresh supply of spoons and I was on auxiliary power. I have recently become acquainted with the Spoon Theory. Here is Wikipedia's definition: of the s poon theory: "The spoon theory is a disability metaphor used to explain the reduced amount of energy available for activities of daily living and productive tasks that may result from disability or chronic illness." Maybe they thought because

My autistic brain

Profile of a face with a rainbow colored brain. Personal autism attributes in various colors font. Since I am a visually oriented thinker, pictures come before words. Words flow easier if I can create an image or images first. Here is one case in point. I am very grateful for PixTeller.com for providing the royalty free images and designing capability.

The migraine, one of my co-morbids and how it affects me.

I didn't know that the vile migraine had an awareness ribbon and month (June). They are not simply headaches. They alter mood, create nausea and vomiting, make darkness and silence a must, cancel plans and are chronic. My migraines were few and further between as a child (I got about 2-3 a year and had to go to bed, vomiting periodically), but increased in my teens along with autistic regression. I inherited mine from my mother. It is always the same eye. I don't get the the visual aura but I do have the olfactory (smell) phantosmia . Mine are blessedly fewer than 14 per month. My heart goes out to those of you who experience more than 14 a month. Love and support are so very important. My parents were very understanding. My mom had to hold me while I cried sitting on the bathroom floor, head pounding and vomiting into the toilet to the point it had to be flushed at least twice. I can expect them during right before and during my menstrual cycle. Sensory overload and

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