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I am Allison

 Caption: A burned out, white autistic woman 

Content Warning: Mention of suicide and depression. Please don't read this if you are upset by these topics and/or are in a bad place mentally.

I'm not the kind of autistic person that has friends (plural).
I'm the autistic person, long out of high school who sits home all day with TV as company.
I'm not the autistic adult thriving on social media, a place where I have been bullied by both autistic and allistic (non autistic) people.
I am the autistic person without a tribe. There is no real place of personal acceptance for me.
I'm the autistic person who has high support needs without having an IQ below 70.
I'm the autistic person who rocks or performs some kind of stim constantly to alleviate high anxiety.
I'm not that thriving autistic adult who has some kind of community support while attending college and/or interviewing for or working a job.
I'm not that autistic Millennial you read so much about. I'm rounding the corner to 40.
I don't get invited over to a neighbor's house or outside family member for dinner.
I'm the autistic person who has violent meltdowns.
I'm the autistic person who has attempted suicide multiple times.
I'm the autistic person who has fallen through the cracks of both Neurodiverse and Neurotypical society.
I'm the autistic person who wears noise cancellation headphones everywhere to manage noise.
I'm the autistic person who needs there to be a high-support, low sensory kind of living option NOW, so that I won't end up in some kind of hell hole later.
I'm the autistic person who believes, due to nearly 4 decades of life experience, that autism is a disability.
I'm the autistic person who has typed the skin off her fingers e-mailing whatever service agency she could find, only to be redirected or dismissed all together.
I'm the autistic person who lost her Medicaid.
I'm the autistic person who can't drive or take public transportation.
I'm the autistic person who also has mental illness, otherwise referred to as co-morbidity.
I'm the autistic person who has been given a voice by certain bloggers, CNN and The Mighty, but nobody wants to or can help.
I'm the autistic person who is nothing like your child and damn me if I try to explain to you any or all of the above.
I'm the autistic person who jumps at almost every sound.
I'm the autistic person who can't be around small children or dogs.
I'm the autistic person who is creative, but very limited in opportunities to share my work in an IRL experience.
I'm the autistic person who depends 100% on a single family member for everything other than activities of daily living.
I'm the autistic person who lies awake at night wondering why people can care so much about helping sick and abused animals, but her, not so much.
I am Allison. I'm that autistic person who is isolated by her challenges, unsupported, not included, alone in her autism, seemingly stuck on her own planet.

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