Lessons Learned in 2018 (Wish I'd have known in 2017!)

The following are a few insights I (sometimes painfully) picked up along the journey of 2018.

1. Not to “info dump” or converse in even a half socially acceptable way with just anyone. Trusting just anyone with tons of information can make trouble for you. That person could relay things you entrusted to them in private in order to hurt you. Being vulnerable is only good if you can trust the person you are engaged with. And if you are being vulnerable with someone you trust, let them say their peace.
2. It’s OK to let the other person (who you know is in the wrong) be right. Continuing to argue with someone who is toxic makes things worse. God and you know who’s right. If the other person admits their wrong, accept their apology even though it might seem second nature.
3. When God asks you to let go of something, He means it. Letting go, especially when it is a passionate obsession is heartbreaking. I tried to explain and reason with God many times about this passion, and He waited, very patiently, until I trusted Him enough to let go.
4. Screenshot any receipts or other transactions between you and any business. If there’s a glitch, you can directly upload it to an email or website without needing a URL link. I take surveys, so I screenshot each one I complete in case the system doesn’t credit me. I also screenshot my Amazon receipts, emails regarding payment for submissions or cyberbullying on a social media platform.
5. I’ve read a lot of Instagram posts regarding self care. As long as you aren’t becoming self-centered, self care is valid. Saying “NO” can be a good thing if it means avoiding a meltdown.
6. Plan ahead: I know when my PMDD (premenstrual dysphoria) comes. Paranoia and irrational thinking (even when on medication) does not pair with going on a road trip, the mall or even for a short walk. Have a backup date (raincheck) in case one of you has to cancel your plans for whatever reason.
7. Drastic measures usually aren’t necessary. When neighbors set off fireworks on weekends, a sleeping pill (prescribed to me by my doctor) will suffice. Wanting to die is, well, overkill.
8. Adding a description of my photo or meme is the right thing to do. Sure, it takes a few minutes, but vision impaired people need to be included. Inclusion is a right, not a privilege.
9. Never use Windex to clean the picture frame that holds your favorite celebrity autographed photo. Even when the frame is dry, the Windex ingredients can still eat into the photo.
10. If you want something bad enough, the pain is worth it. I prayed about my decision to get new ear piercings before going to the tattoo and piercing parlor. Once I knew God was good with my choice to pierce both my conches, I was ready to go. The intense burning pain was over within 3 seconds. Had it gone on for minutes I could not have done it. Five months on, they are healing beautifully.
11. It’s much more accurate to say, “My autism” when describing my own experience in a blog post or commenting on social media. It helps avoid conflict over someone whose autism experience is totally different. Both parties can learn something. Here’s an example: “My autism is disabling.” If someone invalidates my own experience, I don’t need them in my life.
12. God already validated me. It is hard to understand if you’ve been invalidated and gaslighted by fellow humans, but God doesn’t see us the way others or even us ourselves do. He did so by sending Jesus to die in my place.
13. A little self-deprecating humor is a good thing. As long as it’s self depreciating. This eases tension between me and another person. Sometimes I use accents and lines from characters in sitcoms or movies (scripting). Example: Dropping something around another person, I can quote Adam Goldberg’s expression, “Oh balls!” It’s a bonus when the other person is a fellow “Goldbergs” fan.
14. Instagram has helped me learn more about autistic people’s experiences. The generally short insights and images make learning for me easier than blogs. I also have an Instagram account, which if you learn like I do, you might want to follow @autisticaplanet
15. Now that I’ve plugged myself (a little self-deprecating humor), I will bid you a blessed New Year filled with acceptance, inclusion and insights. Perhaps you will pass some of them down to me!